Okamee, An Okami Parody
by Starsprint The Wolf
Summary: An Okami Parody, because to me there just isn't enough. Okamee, don't ya just love the title? M for sexual-ness, and massive swearing and twisted, graphic violence and some mutilation. Have fun kiddies.
1. Epic Fail

Note: This is an Okami parody.  
I do not hate Okami. Making fun of stuff is how I show my love for it. Like this.  
Oh, and there is one character in here that that belongs to me. All the others belong to Capcom,  
the creators of Okami.

Strom47 a.k.a The story teller: Hello everyone!  
Welcome to Strom47's totally stupid Okami parody! Let us introduce the characters!

Ruluna (Random wolf who was hit with the reflector Sakuya tried throwing at the statue of Amaterasu the sun goddess but missed and got turned into a goddess)

Sakuya (Dumb Tree sprite, I love Sakuya,  
but I made her an idiot so it'd be funnier)

Issun (Perverted Bug)

The thirteen brush gods (They're freaking gods,  
what else do I have to say?)

Susano (Fat weirdo who thinks he is god or something)

Orochi (Badass eight headed serpent)

Kushi (Sake brewer, shes dumb too, but I love her too)

Mr. and Mrs. Orange (Weird smelling old people)

Mushi (Little brat)

Mushi's mama (Fat bitch)

Strom47: And those are all the characters who will be in this chapter!  
You're also thinking "W-wheres Ammy?" WELL SHE DIED!  
MWAHAHA! Just kidding,  
she stayed a statue. You'll figure out why,  
actually you pretty much did...well lets get to the story!

Chapter one: The epic fail

There is a gray she wolf with white markings walking around Shinshu field.

Rulana: *Thinking* Ugh! There is no deer around this pathetic excuse of a field!  
More like a hell hole if you ask me! Whats it name again?  
Oh yeah, Shinshu field. *Looks around* Huh? Look! There's something fat running towards the Moon Cave!  
Maybe its a deer! *Chases after fat thing*

-In the Moon Cave-

?: So this is the place where my ancestor dude slayed that serpent dude, Orochi.  
Well, whatever, I don't care. Oh, whats this thing?  
*Walks up to middle of cave where a huge blue sword is sitting* Oh this is...uh...?

Story writer: Sorry dude, I can't remember the name of the sword.

?: Well...shit. Whatever! *Pulls sword out of ground*  
I'm gonna call the sword Bob then!

Story writer: Whatever, fat ass.

?: What did you just call me? My name is Susano!  
The greatest warrior that ever lived you bitch!

Story writer: You better not call me that or I'll delete you from the story!

Susano: No! Please! If I get deleted my mom will ground me!  
And then she'll make me brush her teeth!

Story writer: Whats so wrong with that?  
Oh yeah, I forgot, shes your mom.

Susano: Yes I know! Please don't delete me!  
*Turns around and notices eight serpent heads eating popcorn and watching the arguement*

Susano: Hey! When the hell did you guys get here?

Serpent heads: We're Orochi, and we got here about five minutes ago when you pulled Bob out of the ground.

Susano: Orochi? Gah! Run! *Runs away like a tard*

Orochi: Whats his problem?

Other Orochi head: Don't ask me! Ask the story writer! She made him retarded! Not like he wasn't retarded in the first place...

Story writer: I thought it would be funny! This is an Okami parody after all!

Orochi: Okami parody? What the fuck is that? And why is everyone swearing?

Story writer: I find swearing funny, and just shut the hell up.  
Teehee, I said hell.

Orochi: This chick is retarded...

-Back at Shinshu field-

Ruluna: Almost there! *Susano runs out and bumps into her,  
knocking her to the ground* Hey! Thats animal abuse ya' big dumbass! *Rulana looks at the Moon Cave and sees black shadows covering the lake and Shinshu field* Holy crap! *Rulana runs to Kamiki village and takes shelter by the Konohana tree*  
Crap! What am I gonna do? *All of a sudden a beautiful yet stupid tree sprite appears*

?: Oh like, noes and stuff! That Orochi asshole like, came back and crap! Its up to me, Sakuya, to...bring back Amaterasu the sun goddess so she can save the land of Nippon and stuff!  
*Takes out a freaking 5,000 pound shield and throws it at a statue of Amaterasu, who is the legendary wolf, Shiranui who fought along side the legendary warrior Nagi and slayed Orochi, reborn,  
but misses and hits Ruluna in the head with it. But it bounces off of her head and lands on her back* Oh no! I'm like, so freaking sorry wolfie!

Ruluna:... *Is unconsious*

Sakuya: Oh no and stuff! I like, totally think shes dead!  
Wait, what the? Theres something in my kimino!  
*Shakes around and a little person falls out*  
OMG! Its you again you little perverted bug!

?: I'm not a pervert, and I'm not a bug! I'm Issun!  
The traveling artist!

Sakuya *Is painting her nails* Um...like, whatever.

Issun: You don't believe me? Well here is proof!  
*Throws a picture of p0rn*

Sakuya: What the like, fuck?

Issun: Uh, wrong picture.  
*Grabs p0rn pic and throws it away and takes another picture of out Sakuya*

Sakuya: Like, omg, why did you draw me like, naked and stuff?

Issun: Because I'm a pervert! *Stares at picture and smiles like a perv*

Ruluna: *Flash of white light surrounds her* The fuck...?  
*Sees a flaming shield on her back*  
AHHHH! ITS ON FIRE! GET IT OFF! *Runs around screaming like a maniac*

Sakuya: Like, calm down and stuff, for some reason it can't burn you.

Ruluna: Then why do I look like that goddess Amaterasu?  
And why can I talk?

Sakuya: Because I like, threw the flaming shield of death on you.  
It like, gives you god powers and stuff. Right now you don't have any powers though, but you can look for them! And you have to cut down that peach! It has the town in it! Like, bye and stuff!  
*Disappears in a puff of pink smoke*

Ruluna: *Now looks like Amaterasu only is gray where Ammy was white and is white where Ammy's red markings are, and has a black tipped tail* Holy Shit! Why do I look like this? And what am I supposed to cut that peach down with?

Issun: How should I know, furball? Well, I guess I'll stick with you.

Ruluna: Great, I've been turned into a copy of Amaterasu, have no powers, and now I have to travel with a perverted bug. My life is just a big epic fail.  
-

So how was that? Was it ok for my first story on here? The next chapter is called "The river of retards". See ya! 


	2. River of the Retards

Okamee Chapter 2

The river of retards.

Ruluna: RFDSGHFDGHFDGH HOW DO I CUT THAT GODDAMN PEACH DOWN?

Issun: Shut up, furball.

Ruluna: *Growls and throws Issun off of her*

Issun: Hey! Not cool furball!

Ruluna: *Flicks her tail and walks towards a big shining light*

Issun: HEY! WAIT FOR ME!

-At the River of Heavens-

Ruluna: WTF Where are we.

Issun: ...

Ruluna: Issun?

Ruluna: *Can't see him because hes on her back but hears tapping noises* W-what the? Are you watching porn again?

Issun: ...Yes...

Ruluna: *Eye twitch*

Issun: Why should you care?

Ruluna: Shut up, I can do what I want. *Walks across bridge*

Issun: Hey wait, look over there furball! Its an origin mirror! You use it to save crap you've already done even though thats not really possible!

Ruluna: HOMG, LIEK DSRGKDFGA FSJAL RLY? I've been all around Nippon, I'm pretty sure I've seen an origin mirror.

Issun: Well, in this game I still have to say it.

Ruluna: Game? GASP Is this one of those Saw movies?

Issun: No its a video game.

Ruluna: How is it a game? This is real life! And what kind of game is a video game?

Issun: Uh...I dunno. Something just caused me to say that. Bah! Whatever, lets get going!

Ruluna: 'Kay. *Walks across bridge*

Issun: Hey furball, look at those pots! Smash them open with your head and give yourself a concusion and see if there's anything inside!

Ruluna: But I could die!

Issun: So? That'd be a good thing!

Ruluna: *Snaps Issun's neck* Wow, that didn't kill him. Whatever, I'll just leave him here, hopefully he'll be put in a coma. *Uses a hammer to break the pots instead* Hey look! Money!

Issun: Its yen actually.

Ruluna: I don't care! You're supposed to be dead!

Issun: Sorry furball, in this game only you and monsters and a few characters can die. But I don't want to spoil anything.

Ruluna: Shit!

Issun: ETHRTHRATHADFGHDFH YOU CAN'T SWEAR IN THIS FUCKING GAME!

Ruluna: GHWRTYHEQTYHREHT I DUN CAREZZZZZ!

Issun: Whatever, jump that wall.

Ruluna: Fine. *Jumps wall EPICLY*

Issun: Now open that treasure chest.

Ruluna: Okay. *Rips treasure chest apart*

YOU GOT CRACK! Restores ALL YOUR FRIKIN HEALTH CUZ ITS CRACK

Ruluna: Sweet!

Issun: I knew you'd say something like that.

Ruluna: STFU.

Issun. Whatever. D'oh looks like the bridge is out. I'm gonna use this brush to restore it even though its impossible.  
C Ruluna: Whatever. WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY WHATEVER EVERY FIVE SECONDS IN THIS FUCKING PARODY?

Issun: I don't know or care. Look I restored the bridge while you were screaming like a bitch!

Ruluna: Wow. *Crosses bridge*

Issun: Now climb up that hill.

Ruluna: Kay. *Climbs up hill*

Issun: HOMG A FUCKIN' CONTSELLATION. USE YOUR TAIL TO FRIGGIN RESTORE THE TAILS ALTHOUGH THATS NOT POSSIBLE EITHER.

Ruluna: *Grabs Issun* Listen here you little piece of shit, YELL AT ME ONE MORE FUCKING TIME AND I'LL SLIT YOUR THROAT OPEN, RIP OUT YOUR BRAINS, AND FEED THEM TO THE BUZZARDS! FDGADFGSDDFG!

Issun: *Eye twitch* Okayyyyyyy, well ya didn't need to be so harsh.

Ruluna: I thought about suicide once, too bad I didn't do it. *Restores stars*

Yomigami: SUP BITCHES?

Issun and Ruluna: WTF

Yomigami: Oh, just a wolf and a flea.

Issun: I am not a fucking bug!

Yomigami: Whatever, here. Have rejuvenation and leave me be.

Ruluna: Yay!

Issun: Now, lets see, the river of heavens needs to be restored. Just use your tail to restore it.

Ruluna: *Restores river*

Issun: Nice! I would have done better but nice job!

Ruluna:...WHY CAN'T I KILL YOU?

Issun: Cuz everyone loves me!

Ruluna: I don't.

Issun: Well you're just a stupid smelly wolf so you don't really count...

Ruluna:...Again, why can't I kill you?

Issun: Whatever, just swim across the river.

Ruluna: *Stares at water* I'm allergic to water.

Issun: ...

To be continued...


	3. The Asstral Pouch

In a fit of rage after discovering that Ruluna, a very unappealing wolf that he was forced to travel on a not so epic journey, was allergic to water, Issun got so pissed that he got so mad and said so many swear words that he even changed the way this totally un-original, overrated parody, was written.

Bawwwwwwww, no more idiotic script format.

So instead over crossing the river of Heavens, Ruluna and Issun went on the internet when it didn't even exist because they're cool like that. Issun wanted to look up porn, Ruluna wanted to watched ridiculous videos of people doing idiotic things and practically getting themselves killed.

They fought over the computer/laptop thing and accidently typed in . They wanted to figure out what it was so entered it to see if it were real.

It was. And it...was...horrifying.

They searched the site as they came across yaoi after yaoi porn story written by "T0tWa11Y m!zUnd3rSt00D 3m0 au7h0rz".

Ruluna puked, 10 times, and Issun almost went blind. WTF These were crazy. People can't understand that guys are just friends? Sadly they could not. But there was one thing that wasn't appreciated as much as yaoi that Issun truly loved...

Yuri.

Ruluna didn't mind it, because there wasn't as much of it. Meaning there was less insane fantard authors. Thank god, they both thought. Then, they came across the most disgusting, horrible, unoriginal, lazy, ugly, idiotic, stupid, pathetic excuse for an author. Her pen name was even stupid.

Starsprint The Wolf.

The name made the pair shudder. They didn't dare read her fanfics and then threw the laptop away. Ruluna felt like the allergies were scared right out of her so she felt like crossing the river. Issun jumped on her back and she jumped in.

Issun shook water off of him. "Mother fucker, can you do anything without screwing up? You got me freaking wetter than a fat girls va-" he was cut off by Ruluna snapping at him. "That's not nice talking about people who are overweight."

Issun gave her the finger, and said, "I don't care, they're FAT. I don't have to worry about ever becoming fat." he said, with a smart-ass smile. She walked up onto shore and rolled over onto her back, where Issun was. She rolled around and pressed herself hard onto the ground.

Issun gasped for air and Ruluna just laughed evily. Issun rubbed mud off him as Ruluna was tearing another poor treasure chest apart again. "What the hell is your problem? Can't you just open the treasure chest correctly?" said Issun. Ruluna shrugged, and pulled something out of it. "Holy shit, that's the astral pouch. If you eat enough food it will store all of it in there and if you fill it up completely and you die it can bring you back to life." Issun said. Ruluna wagged her tail. "Well that's pretty handy." she said happilly.

Issun shrugged. He walked back over to the laptop and went on Redtube.

He had it bookmarked, of course.

Ruluna stared at the astral pouch and examined it, covering her ears so she couldn't hear the moaning of the girls on Redtube.  
"Will you turn that shit down? Its making me puke." she said to Issun and glared at him. Issun was too lost in the porn to hear her. But all of his drool fell on the laptop, causing it to explode.

Ruluna wagged her tail as she put the astral pouch in her inventory, as Issun sat sobbing on her back. They continued walking. 


	4. Pukewater

Disclaimer: I don't own Okami, but I do own Okamee, the un-original parody.

Ruluna and Issun continued walking through the River of Whatever the fuck it was called,  
as Issun called it. Ruluna thought it was funny, but she hated that little shithead with all her heart. Then she asked him a question she had been thinking of for awhile. "If this is a parody, then why am I here? Wouldn't it be funny with the original Amaterasu?"

Well, the author was a immature pathetic fucker at the time, so that's why.

But Issun just shook his head. "Ammy isn't like that, shes smart and divine and all that shit.  
You're a horse's ass, so it wouldn't be fun with Ammy." he answered. Ruluna ignored him, she was too busy loling and the totally lulz worthy troll-fic My Immortal (C'mon, I had to add My Immortal, you bitches know that.).

Ruluna yawned and walked over to a pond nearby the trail they walked on. She lowered her head and lapped up a bit of water, and then spit it out. "Wtf? This shit tastes like piss.  
And not the good kind. The kinda like regular piss. The good kind is the kinda piss that belongs to a bitch on her period, the blood adds flavor, y'know, its got that pizzaz."

Issun vomited into the water at Ruluna's statement. Which caused Ruluna to start drinking the water again, she likes vomit. Which made herself vomit, and the author vomit. Too much puke? What, you want them to spit out butterflies? Bullshit. But anyway, after Ruluna drank/ate all the puke-water, she resumed walking, and Issun finally got off his fatass and walked a bit too.

But after Ruluna kept stepping on him, on purpose, Issun turned back into a lazy shitbag and got on her back again, the only downside was that fleas kept attacking him, you know how big those fuckers are compared to him? After slaying the fleas and taking a nap and a few more minutes of walking, Issun awoke to the sound of Ruluna bawing, again.

"What is it, bitchtits?" He groaned. He rolled over and noticed a bunch of stairs, and no other path ahead. Being the fatass, lazy sack of shit, bitch that Ruluna was, she was obviously bawing at the stairs. Issun hopped onto her forehead and pulled her eye open.

"Well, fuckface, get to climbin'!" He said evily with a smirk, then he stabbed her in the eye with that microscopic, lame excuse for a sword. Ruluna yelped, it hurt worse than the time she got hemroids, oh yeah, she still has them. "Thanks alot, assclam..." she muttered as blood flowed from her eye socket.

Ruluna's legs gave out after climbing 4 stairs.

So while her legs were healing, the author felt the need to write a short filler story about her fucktastic day.

Well, for the first time in awhile on summer break, she awoke before noon, and actually had a real breakfast. Her stupid-ass sister was hogging the laptop, again. But then she remembered that the upstairs computer actually worked for now.

And the story ends there because she didn't feel like typing about that anymore.

Ruluna almost ran out of breath and strength in her legs after climbing all the stairs. But she finally walked into a cave that had a statue of some fatass fucker. "Well, I played this game so I know what to do." she used that Rejuevenation bullshit tencnique like fuck whatever on the broken sword shit thing. Then that little fucker mouse appeared and gave her a huge-ass sword.

Power Slash technique obtained, bitch. 


	5. Your mom hates you

Disclaimer: I don't own Okami, I wish I did, but then nobody would have played it and it wouldn't be the incredible game it is, it'd be a grimdark porn game.

* * *

Ruluna gay-ly dashed around, estatic about her new brush technique. Everywhere she went she sliced everything in half with the Power Slash. "Dude," Ruluna said, "Now I can cut paper to roll for my blunts. It sucks having to cut those fuckers without thumbs. But now I don't need thumbs! Haha! Suck it nature!".

Issun = Facepalm

At least she shared her blunts with him, he hated having to get high off of sniffing paint and Expo Markers. It sucked, just like a hooker.

Ohohoho. Naughty, naughty, author.

As Ruluna ran around for about another 6 minutes and 4 seconds, Issun attempted to draw boobs on an Etch-a-Sketch, but they keep coming out square. But he found that normal, because his moms boobs were square, too.

"Are you done yet, whore show?" Issun asked tossing the Etch-a-Sketch away, annoyed. "We gotta get out of here, while you were of in Wondershitland, that huge wooden fence thing trapped us in here."

"No problem!" Ruluna said, rearing, "For I have super asstastic Jesus powers! I can get us out!"

But just then, some voice said, "You're out of ink, dumbass." A few seconds later, Ruluna was on the verge of tears. "Oh yeah," the voice said again, "You're mom hates you by the way." Ruluna rolled on the floor and bawed. "The said part is," she said, "My mom hating me doesn't make me sad, because she can't hate me. Shes dead, so thinking of her makes me all emo and shit."

"Well actually," the voice said, "I'm God, you're moms right her and she says she always hated you, in death and when she was alive. She says that your deaf, blind, retarded, pre-mature,  
runt younger sister is more of a success than you. And you're a deity now, so you must be a real failure. She says that once this fanfic is over and the fake version of the game is too and if you managed to save Nippon, she might be proud of you, but don't get your hopes up."

Then Ruluna hung herself. She died, hoping to confront her mother, but for being a pothead and crack addict, she went to hell.

ALTERNATE PART FTW

Turns out that since she was a deity now she can't die by hanging herself. Deities can't kill themselves, sucks for them.

Issun cut the rope that Ruluna was hanging from. And she fell on her head, and got a concusion for the second time in this fanfic. "Onward, pisshead." Issun said, getting on her back. "While you were crying and trying to kill yourself, your ink was restored. So cut that wood and lets get going!"

So yeah, Ruluna did. That's all there is to it.

And while they were in there someone built a lift on the stairs so fatass Ruluna didn't have to climb down them. Yay.

Oh, and heres a cliffhanger.

Ruluna hopped off the lift and padded happily down the trail. For some reason she was happy even though she found out her mom hated her ever since she became pregnant with her and still hates her in death and she tried killing herself.

Now heres the cliffhanger.

They ran into demons.

Holy shit.

* * *

This is probably the shortest chapter of the story so far, I'm sorry. I wrote it in like 30 minutes. Anyway...review?


	6. Sex

Ruluna orgasmed 3 times before actually dealing with the demons. While Issun read my Little Pony porn fics.

Ruluna derped at the demons, causing them to explode in a magical mess of blood, guts, and organs. She cheered all desu-kawaii-fuck-shit while entrails poured down like rain. Issun was too busy masturbating. Did I mention that it was only a millimeter long? Not impressive.

The ponies in the MLP porn fics were so disappointed in this that they all came out of the laptop and turned into Chuck Norris and falcon punched him into the sun. Although he was small (In all ways), the force of the punch caused so much fuckdom bullshit that Micheal Jackson came back to life and raped all the little boys in the world.

Then, Chuck Norris, Mike Tyson, and Samuel L. Jackson all had some shit-tastic love child that used its awesome laser beam powers to kick the shit out of the universe itself.

But Ruluna and Issun and his microscopic penis weren't in that universe, they were in the derpy Okami universe that got fucked in the ass by a unicorn. The cool universe.

Deal with it.

So then Ruluna turned into a bunch of Jello, and Issun started to eat her. So she bitch slapped him which only made his penis smaller.

They then appeared outside of where that fuck-shit-piss-ass tree with all the piss-ass shit was flying around where that peach that looked like bitch tits was sitting, buldging like an erect penis.

Which turned Ruluna on.

And then she started to masturbate.

Which also turned Issun on.

Wtf. Bitch.

But too bad his penis was so small that it looked like he didn't even have anything, so he bawed at this totally jack-off worthy moment.

It didn't help when Hugh Hefner came in and brought the playboy bunny bitches.

The author laughed as she tormented Issun.

In a very sexual way.

So then Ruluna cut the peach down, and yiffed it. Which caused Issun to jizz, but it was so small that nothing came out. This is getting so sad, that the author almost killed herself from sexual depression.

But she didn't because she had something to live for.

Her huge-ass tits.

Which were bigger than her sisters, and her sister was 6 years older than her.

That turned Issun on even more. But then he was diagnosed with ED and AIDS. So fuck him.  
Ruluna brought all the ass-shit back by cutting the fuck-faced peach down. But then everyone threw uranium bombs at her because animal abuse is sooooo cool these days.

No really. It is.

You should try it.

So like fuck-whatever, all the characters began to baw at the fact that these chapters were getting shorter and shorter. And grosser and weirder.

Issun and Ruluna walked around the village and stuff but everytime they tried to talk to some-  
body they threw more uranium bombs at them. Which made them all emo and they cut their wrists open. So they both died. But the Asstral pouch brought them back! Yay!

They kept walking like the little emo fags they were and then saw a huge-ass boulder blocking the path they were walking on. Which only made them more emo, it even made the author emo.

And the author hated most emos so this didn't make her happy, but she was an emo fag so she wasn't happy at all anyway. She bawwed as she typed the words to the fanfic that she just pulled out of her ass anyway. She also bawwed of how much of a failure of a author she was.

Then the authors bitch-whore-slut girlfriend ran in. "But you must continue writing my love!"  
bawwed her whore girlfriend. The author then grabbed her pimp cane and smacked her girlfriend across her hideous face. The authors girlfriend bawwed and attemped to kill herself. And the author didn't care, that's how much she loved her girlfriend.

The author then began to realize that this was hardly an Okami parody, and everyone was probably starting to hate her for ruining Okami for her.

So then she strived to make this parody even worse, because haters gonna hate. That's how the bitch rolled. Because she loved thy haters.

So the author typed and typed, and then realized how she only made 6 chapters and the story was written almost a year ago. So she apolagized to the ass-tastic haters that just wanted to see more of this fic just so they could hate it because y'know haters are cool like that,  
bitches.

And anyways, Fanfiction was probably just gonna take this bitch-titted parody down because of its terrible-awesomeness and how graphic and disgusting it was.

Then everything turned back to normal, this was the sexual porn part of the fic.

But trust me, there will be more.

Much...much more...children... 


End file.
